If You Think You are Ugly She Will Too

// June 21st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Dating Relationships, Personal Development, Self Improvement

If You Think You are Ugly, She Will Too

The aim of this post is to block a few of those negative associations we all have about our looks in the presence of an attractive woman.

It basically comes down to this. If you think you are ugly, she is going to think it too. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been through this field of thinking. Unless you’re incredibly good looking in which case; feel free to leave this post now and return to your straightener’s.

Acceptance

Instead of allowing physical looks to dictate decisions we should instead practice acceptance. Accepting such things allows us to see them in their true form, which on most occasions is much less than we originally thought, in terms of size.

To accept our physical appearance we’ll first needs to understand what we can and cannot change about ourselves. I had rather bad acne as a teenager which burdened my confidence and ruined many a Saturday night on the town. I eventually got my testicles together and realised that acne is a very common condition and therefore quite reversible.

Accepting my acne as a changeable situation I began scribbling together a half hearted list of other physical imperfections that I could change. The list creation took a matter of minutes yet the fulfilment took months. That’s the next step to acceptance – write a list of characteristics you can change, and then change them.

The things we cannot change simply need to be forgotten about. There’s no need to waste time on things we cannot change or improve, drop them and brush them aside and focus only on what we can change, which you’ll see is quite a lot.

Once I’d listed acne as a changeable characteristic of what I believed made me feel unconfident with my physical appearance I set out researching what I could do to choke the little buggers off my skin. Surprisingly enough, the answer was obvious – seeing my local GP.

After a short visit I was reinforced with the notion that acne was a very curable and common condition that wouldn’t plague me much longer after I’ve finished a batch of tablets. I proceeded and eventually won the fight which instantly increased my confidence to an unimaginative level.

You can increase your confidence in the exact same way using your list of change and change not’s. Once you’ve focused and removed your change list by completing each one you can begin focusing a little more on your change-not’s which can be buried with some very attractive knowledge regarding how women perceive men and what drives attraction mechanisms.

Being good looking is not important for men

That’s right; a man does not need to be physically attractive to attract an attractive woman (mouthful?). To explain this thoroughly before I get bombarded with comments I’ll enlist the aid of evolutionary biology.

Animals in every generation have random genetic variation, and those animals whose genes are best suited for their environment tend to do a little better, on average, than other members of their species. Over time, the advantage of doing “a little better” becomes compounded, and the nature of the species changes.

Seen in this way, each generation is a competition between different genetic make-ups. The competition takes place extremely slowly, but evolutionary time is very long. Assuming 30 years per generation, each million years allows for over 33,000 rounds of Darwin’s game.

Most of our genetic make-up today is a result of genetic mutations that have come from previous generations. Each mutation that gives an advantage wins out over time.

Success in evolutionary terms can be seen as –

• Surviving until he or she is old enough to have offspring of their own
• Having access to sex partners, to mate with
• Reproducing frequently
• Being able to protect and raise their offspring efficiently

Being good looking does not dictate any of the above items, only aids the endeavour. Instead women look for –

Health -

• Social Intuition
• Humour

Attributes -

• Status
• Wealth

Congruence -

• Pre-selected
• Challenging
• Confident

just believe me when I say men’s looks aren’t important to women. In fact 80% of the attraction process with men and women comes from the above list in a combination of health, attributes and congruence leaving a petty 20% to physical looks.

To be completely honest, you could be Quasimodo, but if you have the characteristics present in your personality that women desire, you will be James Bond.

Moving on

With the changes made and acceptance granted with the change-not’s you are on your way to becoming an extremely confident man who’ll never need to mutter the world ugly again.

Hopefully I’ve met the aim of the post and shot down a few of your inner negative associations to do with physical looks and helped replace a few with a more positive, reinforced version of reality. Whatever the case may be, it’s time for you to have fun and start mingling together a change list to actively move ahead in your quest for attractive women.

Craig is a 22-year-old student currently studying psychology at Bournemouth University. He runs a self improvement blog and community filled with useful advice. His main aim is to help people exceed their expectations and reach their true potential.

Subscribe to his RSS and follow him on Twitter to keep up-to date with his articles and blog posts.

The Worlds 8 Worst Handshakes

// June 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Dating Relationships, Entrepreneurship, Leadership, NLP Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Personal Development, Self Improvement

In this article you will see some truly bad handshakes. You’ll be taken through a list of the very worst handshakes that exist, be ready to cringe.

Here are 8 of the world’s worst handshakes, they are the most annoying and disliked handshakes and their variations. Avoid them at all costs or it could cost you a job, friendship or business relationship.

The handshake is extremely important in a business situation so avoid giving a bad handshake at all costs. Reading this article will alert you to worst handshakes and tell you if you give a bad handshake or not.

8. The Pump Handle Handshake

Credibility Rating: 4/10

With strong rural overtones, the pumper grabs the hand of the pumpee and commences an energetic and rhythmic series of rapid vertical strokes. While up to seven pumps is acceptable, some pumpers continue to pump uncontrollably as if they are trying to draw water from the pumpee.

Occasionally, the pumper will cease pumping but continue to hold the receiver’s hand to prevent their escape and, interestingly, few people try to pull their hand away. The act of being physically connected seems to weaken our resolve to retreat.

7. The Vice Handshake

Credibility Rating: 4/10

This quietly persuasive style is a favourite of men in business and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or put people in their place. The palm is presented in the down position with one sharp downward pump followed by two or three vigorous return strokes and a grip that can even stop blood flow to the hand. Sometimes it will be used by a person who feels weak and fears they will be dominated by others.

If you are guilty of giving this handshake, I invite you to skip straight to the bottom in order to learn how to give a correct handshake, so you can relieve yourself. Then skip back up and read more of the worst handshakes. Just to make sure you don’t give any other bad handshakes.

6. The Stiff-Arm Thrust Handshake

Credibility Rating: 3/10

Like the Palm-Down Thrust, the Stiff-Arm Thrust tends to be used by aggressive types and its main purpose is to keep you at a distance and away from their personal space. It’s also used by people raised in rural areas, who have larger personal space needs and want to protect their territory.

These people will even lean forward or balance on one foot to keep their distance when delivering a Stiff-Arm Thrust.

5. The Socket-Wrencher Handshake

Credibility Rating: 3/10

A popular choice of power players and common cause of watering eyes and, in extreme cases, torn ligaments. This is the father of the Bent-Arm-Pull-In, and involves forcefully gripping the receiver’s outstretched palm, then simultaneously applying a sharp reverse thrust, attempting to drag the receiver into the initiator’s territory. This results in loss of balance and gets the relationship off on the wrong foot.

Pulling the receiver into the initiator’s territory can mean one of three things: first, the initiator is an insecure type who feels safe only within his own personal space; second, the initiator is from a culture that has smaller space needs; or third, he wants to control you by pulling you off balance. Either way, he wants the encounter to be on his terms.

4. The Finger-Tip Grab Handshake

Credibility Rating: 2/10

A common occurrence in male—female greetings, the Finger-Tip Grab is a handshake that missed the mark and the user mistakenly grabs the other person’s fingers. Even though the initiator may seem to have an enthusiastic attitude towards the receiver, he in fact lacks confidence in himself. In these circumstances, the main aim of the Finger-Tip Grab is to keep the receiver at a comfortable distance. The Finger-Tip Grab can also result from personal space differences between the people in the handshake. This could happen if one person’s intimate space was two feet (60cm) and the other’s was three feet (90cm), the latter stands further back during greeting so the hands don’t connect properly.

If this happens to you, take the other person’s right hand with your left and place it correctly in your right hand and say, with a smile ‘Let’s try that again!’ and shake hands equally. This builds your credibilitybecause you are telling the other person that you think they are important enough for you to get it right.

3. The Dutch Treat Handshake

Credibility Rating: 2/10

Being somewhat vegetarian in approach, this handshake has its origins in the Netherlands, where a person can be accused of ‘Geeft ‘n hand als bosje worteljes’ meaning ‘Giving a handshake like a bunch of carrots’. It’s a distant relative of the Wet Fish but stiffer and less clammy to the touch.

2. The Wet Fish Handshake

Credibility Rating: 1/10

Few greetings are as uninviting as the Wet Fish, particularly when the hand is cold or clammy.The soft, placid feel of the Wet Fish makes it universally unpopular and most people associate it with weak character, mainly because of the ease with which the palm can be turned over. It is read by the receiver as a lack of commitment to the encounter, but there may be cultural or other implications – in some Asian and African cultures a limp handshake is the norm and a firm handshake can be seen as offensive. Also, one in twenty people suffer from a condition called hyperhydrosis, which is a genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. It’s wise to carry tissues or a handkerchief for mop-up strategies before any bout of handshaking.

The palms have more sweat glands than any other part of the body, which is why sweaty palms become so obvious. Surprisingly, many people who use the Wet Fish are unaware they do it so it’s wise to ask your friends to comment on your handshake style before deciding what you’ll use in future meetings.

1. The Bone-Crusher Handshake

Credibility Rating: 0/10

A second cousin to the Vice, the Bone-Crusher is the most feared of all handshakes as it leaves an indelible memory on the recipient’s mind and fingers and impresses no one other than the initiator. The Bone-Crusher is the trademark of the overly aggressive personality who, without warning, seizes the early advantage and attempts to demoralise his opponent by grinding his knuckles to a smooth paste. If you are female, avoid wearing rings on your right hand in business encounters as the Bone-Crusher can draw blood and leave you to open your business dealings in a state of shock.

Unfortunately, there are no effective ways to counter it. If you believe someone has done it on purpose, you could bring it to every-one’s attention by saying, ‘Ouch! That really hurt my hand. Your grip is too strong.’ This puts the advocate of the Bone-Crusher on notice not to repeat the behaviour.

The Cure to a Bad Handshake

Few people have any idea how they come across to others in initial meetings, despite the fact that most of us are aware that the first few minutes of that meeting can make or break a relationship. Take the time to practise handshake styles with your friends and colleagues and you can quickly learn how to deliver a positive handshake every time. Keeping the palms held vertical and matching the other person’s grip is usually perceived as a 10/10 handshake.

Now that you’ve reached the end of the ‘8 of the worlds worst handshakes‘ you can jump along to more related articles such as the 9 golden keys to making a great first impression, How to Get Ahead in Business and the First 20 Seconds of an Interview.

Craig is a 22-year-old student currently studying psychology at Bournemouth University. He runs a self improvement blog and communityfilled with useful advice. His main aim is to help people exceed their expectations and reach their true potential.

Subscribe to his RSS and follow him on Twitter to keep up-to date with his articles and blog posts.

How to Create A Law Of Attraction Vision Board

// June 21st, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Dating Relationships, Entrepreneurship, Law of Attraction, Leadership, Personal Development, Self Improvement

How to Create A Law Of Attraction Vision Board

Law Of Attraction Vision Boards:
The Secret To Getting What You Want In Life

Have you ever wondered why your dreams haven’t come true yet? If you’ve been reading my newsletter for awhile, you know that I embody and teach the ‘how to’ principles behind successfully achieving our goals and dreams. Nothing happens, no forward steps are taken until we first have a dream. However, even when we have a dream, we can’t begin manifesting it until some important first steps are taken to prepare a solid foundation for success. To make a dream come true we don’t have to initially know HOW we are going to do it. Instead, we only have to know what we want and then engage our physical body senses in the process. The basic first steps include:

One simple, and powerful, action step to making your dreams come true is to construct a visual representation of the desired outcome. Vision boards are a fantastic tool to help us focus on the particular abundance, joy, or relationship that is important to us. They help us see our desires vividly while stimulating all of our physical senses. A Vision board is a visual picture of the dreams we have for our life. It’s a big colorful poster onto which we place pictures of what we want to create.

For example, if your goal is overcoming overeating, creating a happier life, or creating a healthy and fit body, take a little time and articulate what you do not want. From this statement, ask yourself some meaningful questions about what you do want:

• What would the dream look?
• How would life be different?
• How would you feel, think, and act if you had what you wanted?
• What strengths would you have?

Then, it’s easy to flip the statement around 180 degrees and articulate what you do want. For example, “I don’t want to feel stressed and use food to cope” becomes “I have comfort and ease in my body right now, along with the freedom to eat what I want in amounts that are satisfying.” Or, “I don’t want to struggle with my weight” becomes “I have a loving partnership with my body that allows the formation of confidence and beauty.”

From these positive statements, notice what images come to mind. The next step to turn those dreams into reality is to create a visual representation. Vision boards help us see the images of our success. They help us to focus on the joy of our dreams. In addition, they allow us to cultivate the excitement necessary to take further action steps that bring dreams closer to reality. The key is to find pictures that help us focus and reflect on ourselves already in possession of the desired outcomes.

Looking at your vision board helps cultivate a belief of impending success! You can indeed live the life you want to be living. You can feel good, right now, in this present moment, as you realize you have taken control of your life as you deliberately chose the direction you wish to head toward. No more is life something that just happens to you. Now you are firmly in the driver’s seat!

How to Create A Vision Board

Law of Attraction Vision Boards are easy and fun to make. All you need are a few simple tools. In a short amount of time, you’ll be able to tap into the secret so powerful it transforms the lives of anyone discovering it…

1. Purchase a large poster board in whatever color you like. Also pick up a glue stick and a pair of scissors.

2. Gather an assortment of old magazines, pictures, catalogs, and snap shots.

3. Take some time and create a space where you can relax and have fun. Brew a cup of hot tea, light a candle, put on music that speaks to you. If you want, invite a close friend or your partner to join in the process! Then – is this is an important step – breathe deeply, close your eyes, and imagine the goal you wish to achieve. Allow your senses to play with your dream. Take five minutes and fully live your dream exactly the way you want to be living it.

4. Now open your eyes and let the fun begin! Leaf through the magazines, and tear out any pictures, words, phrases, and thoughts that inspire your senses. Don’t think about it too much. Simply go through the magazines and remove anything that grasps your attention. Pull out pictures, images, words, and phrases that excite and motivate you to reach your destiny. Along with the pictures, it also helps to add a few motivational statements that spell out the goals you wish for yourself.

5. Take your time. Give yourself an hour, or an evening, to create your vision board.

6. When you sense you have all the pictures you need, sort through your pictures, and begin to arrange them on your poster. Use the scissors and cut out the words and hone in on the images that speak most to you. After you have cut out the pictures and phrases, glue or paste them on your poster board.

7. Have fun doing it! Enjoy yourself! Let you imagination be your guide. If you really want to make this a fun experience, invite several of your closest friends over to join you in the process. Make it a party! Celebrate life and the act of creation with those friends or family you most love spending your time with!

8. Once your board is completed, activate your Vision board. Place it in a room or on a wall that you can look at it often for a month or two. Perhaps the best place would be in your office where you can put it in front of you and look at it often. Or maybe the best place is in your bedroom, where you can reflect on your dream first thing in the morning, and make it the last thing you look at before you close your eyes at night. You could tack it to the ceiling above your bed, or it might just make an excellent screen saver.

By using your Vision board you will be able to put the “Law of Attraction” into use immediately. As time passes, feel free to add to your board, or paste over what doesn’t work. Make it come alive by dwelling on it every now and then when inspired. As you concentrate on these visual images of what you want, add a sense of peace and joy. Smile. Inhale the sensation of you having exactly what you want. Allow your subconscious mind to help you achieve your goals. You now have a self-generated tool that keeps you focused on your desires and makes you feel good. Your vision board is the most powerful tool assisting you in manifesting abundance!

Source: Law Of Attraction Vision Boards by Annette Colby, PhD.

Is there a right way to lay someone off? By John Maxwell

// June 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // Dating Relationships, Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Personal Development, Self Improvement

http://johnmaxwellonleadership.com/2009/05/20/is-there-a-right-way-to-lay-someone-off/

Does teamwork really make the dream work in tough times? By John Maxwell

// June 20th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Dating Relationships, Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Personal Development, Self Improvement

hhttp://johnmaxwellonleadership.com/2009/05/30/does-teamwork-really-make-the-dream-work-in-tough-times/

5 Ways To Become An Inspiration To Others

// June 20th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Dating Relationships, Personal Development, Self Improvement

5 Ways To Become An Inspiration To Others
by Gleb Reys

How often do you hear people calling someone amazing? How often does someone inspire you to the extent that you perform beyond your normal capabilities in whatever you choose to work on? This post will help you learn how to become such an incredible person.

The fitness practices of mine – my diet, cardio sessions and weight lifting, have been such a phenomenal success with people around me that I would like to share a few general tips which you can use to become an inspiration to others in almost anything you do.

Being constantly complimented on your noticeable improvement may just be the motivation you will need to become an outstanding achiever and reach the goals you never thought to be so easily attainable.

So here’s a set-up: you’ve got an area of your life which you plan on improving, and you’ve decided to not only succeed, but become someone incredible – impress others with your achievements and inspire them to follow you and improve their lives in a similar fashion.

Want to know the steps to success? Here are just a few. Use them as guidelines to get started, and as you progress, I’m sure you will discover many more ways of achieving great results and inspiring people.

1. Find something you absolutely love doing

I believe that you can really succeed only in something you love doing. Although it is possible to achieve certain results even with activities you don’t like at all, these activities cannot make you an amazing achiever.

You’ve got to be passionate about your intentions, you need to know exactly why you’re doing something and also be excited about it.

When I got started with my fitness program, I was thrilled. To me, getting fit is as exciting a self-improvement project as it gets. I’ve always dreamed of being fit enough to try my luck with all kinds of sports, and although I never let my slightly excess weight be a real stopper, it still was a determining factor in many of my plans.

Every time I go to gym, I’m happy to get another chance to push myself to the limit, work really hard to get one step closer to my ideals of fitness and stamina. That’s what makes every gym session interesting, and this is the motivation I need to exercise every day.

2. Set Goals

You’ve got to set goals and keep track of them. Setting great goals is like finalizing your decision to become an amazing person. Unless you agree on how exactly you’re going to change, there’s a very slim chance that you will make positive progress.

Make it your second nature to not only love what you’re doing, but also be absolutely sure why you’re doing this and how far you will go.

When I had decided on getting into shape and staying fit for the rest of my life, this meant setting a number of goals:

* losing weight (15kg is my initial goal, I will set my next goal once I reach this one)
* improving my cardio (to be able to run flat out for 10 minutes at 16km/h)
* educating myself (reading a number of books on diets and detoxification)
* improving the healthiness of my lifestyle (changing my diet and eating habits, introducing more physical training)

I’m tracking these goals almost daily – making sure I’m making progress and staying aligned with an overall decision on becoming as fit as I’ve always dreamed to be.

3. Think Big

There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious! Don’t be afraid to set yourself a goal which is bigger than average and therefore harder to reach. Plan to push yourself as high as you can think of, and never settle for anything mediocre in your plans.

Remember: mediocre plans and goals will get you mediocre results. A truly amazing person you’re about to become can’t afford an average plan. Think big and try your best to stick to your plans, and you will be surprised how much you can accomplish.

Don’t be disappointed if you can’t follow your big plans to the letter – it is the nature of any success to put you through many failures before letting you reap the reward. Even if something hasn’t worked perfectly, you still will make much more progress aiming high compared to an average planning approach. If you shoot for the moon, you’ll at least land on a star!

One thing to understand though is that thinking big isn’t about setting unrealistic goals and refusing to do any analysis or risk management. Not at all! But thinking big ensures that you if you plan for some result, you aim higher to achieve more.

If I lost 5kg, it would still be a good result and many people would be very pleased with such progress. Still, I have decided to aim much higher and go for 20kg (44lbs) weight loss. This is a much more exciting goal, and the closer I get to it, the more proud I am because it shows once again how most of my thinking big gets results with due focus and effort put in.

It doesn’t mean I will neglect any risks on my way to the goal though. If I at any stage see that further weight loss would harm my health, I will stop and switch into the weight maintenance mode.

4. Be persistent

For all those achievers who can’t wait to become truly inspiring individuals, I’d like to confirm it: yes, there will be times when your efforts pay off. But depending on the nature of your planned achievements, noticeable results may take a while to appear.

That’s why it is very important to be persistent and keep pushing hard until you’re successful. The old rule of self-improvement works like this: first, you have to commit your time and put your efforts into something, then you get the desired results out of it.

Every working day of the week I try and make my way to our gym. There are days where I can’t do it due to other commitments like business meetings, but apart from them very little can hold me back. If I’m healthy enough to be at work, I’m pushing myself to go and have a workout.

I constantly change my routine, I attend 2 weekly fitness programs, and I have been doing this for so long that I miss gym if I skip it for whatever reason.

A year and a half since I joined our gym at work, I’ve gone through such a transformation that I rarely have a week without discussing my progress with people around me.

They don’t always realize how much effort had been put into getting fit, and therefore my results seem incredible. I always take my time to share my experience and learn new ideas from others, and this helps us all enjoy the benefits of being persistent. After a few months, you become much more patient and therefore relaxed about your results.

In your own time, you will recognize that practice makes perfect. You will prove to yourself and others that only regular efforts and positive attitude can help you achieve results that really last.

5. Embrace your followers

Perhaps one of the most pleasant sides of becoming an inspiration to others: recognizing your followers!

You will be surprised to see how many people are impressed with your improvements, and if there’s one thing you can do to really establish yourself as an achiever worth following it is this: embrace your followers, talk to them and explain your reasons and achievements. Offer your help and work with them to help them follow your steps and achieve similar results.

Most people have a fear that sharing their knowledge will take something away from them, make their own achievements seem less impressive to others. But the effect of helping others is only positive: people will respect you for the knowledge you possess, and will admireyou for being able to share it.

That’s it for today. This list is by no means complete, and I’m sure many of you will have better ideas on becoming an inspiration to others. Please make sure to share them with others by leaving a comment! Thanks for your advice in advance, and good luck with becoming an inspiration!

Ways to Know If She’s Attracted to You – Know the Signs of Physical Attraction and Start Flirting

// June 20th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Dating Relationships

Ways to Know If She’s Attracted to You – Know the Signs of Physical Attraction and Start Flirting
By Mark J Taylor

Most cases and signs of attraction are all based on sexuality and physical features and attributes. This is to explain that men and woman would typically, have their noteworthy and significant other to be physically and sexually competent of giving them their needs.

Essentially, most women would be generally attracted to confidence. It’s all in poise and coolness my friend. They view the male species as a dominant figure and you must fill in that qualification. You’ll find that by standing tall, making undeviating eye contact and usually by being sure about yourself will pre-qualify you as someone she’ll be attracted in.

Always face her and lean towards her so that she knows that you are involved and take the time to read her signs, too. Is she not looking at you, or is she dwindling away? If she’s meeting your gaze and turning her body towards you, you may have an opportunity to get further. If you want to seduce women you must first be convinced that you are seductive. Your look is actually just a very small part of your whole seduction package. You must know how to get her attention and concentration and to keep it focused on her alone. Part of this is confidence and the good news is that all of the tactics on knowing the signs of physical attraction can be taught and learned.

Attracting the opposite sex is never as difficult as we make it out to be. You are born with the knowledge and understanding of how to give off the right and accurate signals. Let go of your coyness, put this into practice and suddenly you will realize how usual flirting and attracting women can be.